Farewell 2010, it was good to know ya

Over at the Sisterhood, Lissa wrote an amazing post on her reflections over the past year and has encouraged us to do the same.

My biggest thrill of 2010 had to be my entrance into the world of stand-up comedy, all in thanks to this man, comedian and now a dear friend, Al Ernst.

 It's a long story, but essentially, thanks to Al, I have performed about four shows so far and loved every minute of the whole ride. Below is a shot after a show of mine, when my husband, and an aunt and cousin joined me on stage for a fun picture. I haven't done comedy since August but am eager to get back out there and test the waters at some new area clubs in 2011, especially now that the holidays are over. And I MUST revise my goals listed in my previous post to include my intention of getting out to do stand-up again!

In terms of fitness and health and weight loss, I'm in a good place.  I am doing better with increasing my running intervals, and in adding strength training. In 2010 is when I really started getting active w/ the Sisterhood challenges and when I met online the fantastic women of Shrinkvivor on Tribe Green who are now my dear friends. What's more, my recommitment to exercise and WW and getting healthy has inspired several friends to start moving too.

I also completed a bunch of 5ks and earned a certificate by doing 4 Women's Distance Festival races.

I took my first ever ride on a motorcycle, this bad boy. LOVED it!

Got to meet and interview Kathryn Stockett (below) author of "The Help" - one of my favorite books of all time. If you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?

And lastly but the most miraculous of all, I met a biological aunt I never knew I had, learned I have three more cousins out in the world (whom I CANNOT wait to meet in 2011) and learned for the first time about these people, my grandparents.

(this is a post for another time, an amazing story you would only see on TV)

It's also been a tough year - job wise and with some other issues going on, but I have come a LONG way in not eating everything in sight when I am going through those tough hurdles.

Dear 2011 - Please be gentle. If I work with you, you'll work with me, right? RIGHT!

Power of 1 Challenge - New challenge for a New Year

Over at The Sisterhood a new challenge has begun! I am very excited about this because the premise is to focus on ourselves.

More often than not, focusing on myself is a foreign concept. So I am eager to see what lies ahead as I go about the CONTINUOUS process of being good to myself and remembering to take time out for me.

Our first part of this challenge is to state our resolutions Healthy Living Goals for the year ahead. I will do the following (notice the active voice! Take that "should" and "might!"

1. Sign up for the Biggest Winner competition at my gym. This is a contest like the Biggest Loser. It is not cheap to enter but with some sacrifices and with the idea that this is investing in my healthy AND my sanity, I am going to do it. Putting it in writing just now has moved it off the "been thinking about it" stage to the "going to register" stage. Participants are selected on a first come, first served basis. I will be at the door waiting for the gym to open Monday when the sign ups begin. (Anyone else reading this who goes to my gym, please pretend you don't see this strategy!). I'll post an update as to whether I get selected. Wish me luck!

2. Participate in one 5k per month. That's 12 for 12. I have had this goal for a few years now and have not met it. In 2010 I did 6 or 7, in 2009 I did 8. This year will be 12 for 12. I already have races lined up for the next few months.

3. Keep working toward running an entire 5k, however slowly that may be.

4. Complete my Couch to 5k training (I am kinda frozen at week 5, day 2!)

5. No skipping WW meetings.

6. Reach my 10 percent by the end of January.

7. Lose 25 more lbs by June 8. This will mean I'll have lost 44 lbs by my 44th bday.

8. With DH do some type of volunteer work at least once a month (helps my mind to help others).

Phew, that is a hefty list! But I am not afraid of it ONE BIT!

Power of 1 starting weight: 195.8

O, Fitness Tree! My first "before" and "after"

Well folks, remember I shared with you all how I was counting down the days till Christmas through exercise on my handy dandy spiffy print-out-for-free-from-the-computer Christmas count down calendar? My plan was to give myself an 'ornament" (made from peel and stick gift tags from the dollar store) for every day that I exercised.

This is what it looked like after the first six days.

This is what it looked like as of Christmas Day!

25 Days of Christmas= 25 stickers= 25 Days of Exercise!

I really became focused on making sure I got in at least SOME exercise every day because I wanted to see that little tree fill up. Even at my brother's house on Christmas Eve, I excused myself after dinner to get on his treadmill so I could earn my ornament. Christmas Day DH and I took a 40 min walk around the neighborhood where I grew up which was some great together time amidst the chaos of a full-family visit.

This worked for me! I was down about 4 lbs in December. Who woulda thunk it?!

Monthly Project wrap up- Season of Giving (or shredding!)

For the month of December over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans we were asked to remember that the holidays are a season of giving.

I'm all for that!

Looking back, there was much more I wanted to do, should have done, could have done -- you know that drill. But I have to say every little bit helps, right? I bought two gifts for the Angel Tree at church. And a toy for Toys for Tots.

My more unusual way of helping out  was something else and it has kind of snowballed. Where I work, I always see HUGE bags of shredded paper going into our recycle Dumpsters back by the loading docks. I kept thinking "someone must be able to use this" and I called around. It turns out that while some animal shelters DO use this shredded paper for pet bedding or as stuffing for DIY dog beds, none of the shelters in my area were among them. However, my local shelter welcomes shredded paper, along with any other recyclable paper, to go into the recycle bin they have in their parking lot, called Paper Retriever. The shelter receives a donation per pound for all the recycled paper collected in that one Dumpster. So, one day after work, I hauled 3 large bags over there.

 And when they told me they could also use newspapers in this Dumpster (capitalizing that word is the journalist in me since I know Dumpster is a trademarked name lol), I told them they were in luck. I work AT a newspaper! Each week I am surrounded by tons of papers that we toss into the recycling. So now i have all my co-workers dropping their recycllng off to me outside my office, instead of them throwing it into their own recycle bins. I collect up their old newspapers (we are flooded with them, like I said) and their computer print out papers AND I have our maintenace guy drop off the bags of shredded stuff to me as well. These people won't know what hit them when I keep filing up their dumpster with old newspapers! At least once a week, I will stuff the entire car with all of these boxes of papers and head to the animal shelter. Oh, and then there are the gazillion old magazines I have around the house...

I also baked cookies for a holiday cookie exchange (seen below in take-out containers from the Chinese restaurant and decorated with disc of scrapbook paper) and I served on my company's decorating committe for our holiday luncheon, which believe me when I say was the LAST thing I ever wanted to do). But I was asked and I thought about our  monthly project of giving and so I said yes. And ya know what, it wasn't all THAT bad! lol

Holiday Hoe Down Low Down - Challenge Wrap up

Hard to believe it, but another challenge at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans has come to an end.

So, how did I do? Let's take a look, shall we?

Let's revisit my goals, stated in a post at the start of the challenge (PS.. it REALLY does help when you write them down!)

Hit ONEderland ( DONE!)

Get to a spin class (no, but I DID try yoga for the first time)

Continue my C25K 

(yes, although I am behind the "schedule" - I'm up to W5D2 completed but I have no plans of quitting!)

No gains (DONE!)

Continue tracking workouts on my iCal and dailymile (DONE!)

Lose 9 lbs. (last challenge I lost 8.4) (turns out that was a bit lofty, but I am VERY happy with my total loss for this challenge)

No skipping WW meetings

(DONE! AND I even switched to a meeting bright and early at 7:30 a.m. on Saturday mornings!)

Be an active and supportive member of my fabulous team!

(DONE! At least I think they'd say that!)

And now, onto the numbers

Starting Challenge Weight: 201.8

Last week: 198.2

This week: 197.2

Loss: -1

Total Challenge Loss: 4.6

I continue to be amazed by my fabulous teammates who originated on Tribe Green, plus we've added one husband who is a great addition! We all rocked the fitness minutes challenges!

I CAN'T WAIT to show you all my O, Fitness Tree soon -- that is looking more and more beautiful with each passing day!

Here's to the next challenge! If you are interested, check it out!

Week 4 Wrap Up, and O, Fitness Tree continues

It's that time folks. Weigh in time over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans

Challenge starting weight 201.8

Last week: 199.2

This week: 198.2

Minus 1

Total loss for challenge to date: 3.6

I'm managing to squeeze some exercise in every single day, mostly due to my passion   obsession with my O, Fitness Tree (see post below). I am hell-bent on seeing that entire tree decorated by Christmas, and so far so good! It is working at motivating me to keep me moving.

One of the challenges this week was for us to try something new. For me, it was a few different workouts on ExerciseTV, including pilates, which I had never tried before. What a tough workout! It felt great to feel some soreness the next day, especially in my abs.

The string of holiday parties has started and i am doing my best to keep my head in the game. My main focus is knowing that I have just 4.9 lbs to go before I reach my 10% at WW. I have set a goal of making that happen before New Year's Day. As you have probably heard WW has a whole new plan now. I got all the materials two weeks ago this Sat. Have I read any of it? Nope. That's not good! I WILL read it this weekend come hell or high water!

My teammates on the Lean Green Losing Machine continue to inspire me on a daily basis. I am so grateful for them! We have won the Fitness Minutes Challenge for THREE consecutive weeks! I couldn't be more proud of my teammates!

Oh and there is still that Race Report from my Turkey Trot on my to-do list...... December= crazy busy! But if  when I make it through the month without a gain, I will be singing the Hallelujiah chorus!

Week 3 Weigh in + O, Fitness Tree

Where or where have I been you may ask? Been a while since I posted. Too much stress going on in one particular area of life had kinda left me feeling flat and deflated in the writing/socializing department. But fear not. I'm still here and still kickin'.

I've been noticing major changes, one in particular: I no longer head straight for the junk food when I am feeling all stressed out. No, I have not been perfect in my eating, I know I have not been doing the kind of damage that I USED to do when the stress was piling up. In fact, I am turning more toward exercise than anything else! It has been keeping me sane and motivated!

Want to know a secret? This time of year is also a hard one for me (if you go to my earliest post, you may understand why). But I created something new for ME this year to help me feel those positive endorphins that come from exercise:

O' Fitness Tree

 I Googled "printable Christmas count down calendar," found one, printed that sucker out and stuck it on a nail in my breakfast nook. Beginning with Dec. 1, my goal is to count down the days till Christmas through EXERCISE! For every day I exercise, I add an "ornament" to my tree. (Pssst.. they are really just images cut up from peel and stick gift tags from the dollar store.) My goal is to see my tree completely decorated. Here is how it looked as of yesterday (today there is already another stick on Day. No. 7 from my walk this morning).

Folks, this little tree has kept me moving. When things are hard and for those days I have to really struggle just hold it together sometimes, getting a sticker on this tree has kept me on my feet, energized, feeling strong and feeling proud. I can't wait to see this thing all decorated!

Ok, now on to the Week 3 Weigh in for the Holiday Hoedown Challenge over at the Sisterhood. Once again, I have stayed EXACTLY the same! Even with the friggin. 2! I am still at 199.2 for two weeks in a row now. Not sure what is up with that?  I have been exercising and am even continuing with my Couch to 5K training. I'm on Week 5 Day 1 completed. A bit behind from the rest of the group but still committed to it! AND I did a Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving. I will just keep up all the good things and I know eventually the scale will move again in the southern direction!

Week 2 Weigh in

Well we just wrapped up Week Two over at the Holiday Hoe Down. Did I mention last week that my fab team The Lean Green Losing Machine, was the top winner of the fitness challenge?! We LOVE getting those minutes in!

This week my weight stayed the same. I'm at 199.2. But I am OK with that because a) there was no gain despite not one but two Thanksgiving dinners (one of which we are still making our way through all the leftovers!) and b) I have really kept up with the exercise!

I logged in 476 minutes for the week, have continued with my C25K training, did a Turkey Trot 5K and haven't skipped a WW meeting -- all of which were goals of mine. So I'm feeling great about where my head is at in this journey!

I have a calendar I keep on my Mac, in which I enter my exercise for the day. I am proud to say that out of 30 days of November,  there were only 4 days where I did not exercise. VERY proud about that!

I have a new way I'll be keeping track for December. I'll save that for another post!

Week One Weigh In!

This post should have been made on Saturday when the news was all big and fresh and exciting in my mind (oh heck, it still is!) Saturday is my weigh in day at WW and the weigh in I use throughout the challenge. But our phone and internet service was on the blink then and continued in that state for a few days. Thanks, Verizon!

Anyway --- without further ado:

Starting Challenge Weight 201.8

Week 1 weigh in: 199.2

Challenge loss so far: 2.6!

AND.... did ya notice that? Lookie thar! (said in my best cowgirl twang!) -- I am in

ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was one of my goals for this challenge and now I can say mission accomplished!

I have been doing well in fitting exercise into my life on a regular basis. When my day does not include exercise, I just feel "off." It's great for relieving stress!

I'm also doing Couch to 5K and that has kept me motivated.

Seeing progress keeps me motivated! I saw my family at a gathering over the weekend, they had not seen me since early October and they were full of compliments about my progress. Stuff like that goes a long way in fueling me to keep on keepin' on!

Of course, I also have my fabulous teammates to thank. My friends on the Lean Green Losing Machine Team are just amazing in what they are capable of, how they continue to do their best, day in and day out. We really encourage each other.

I am ready for Week 2, which by the way, I am starting off with a Turkey Trot 5K tomorrow, a great way to kick off Thanksgiving in a healthy way!

Who woulda thunk it? 

Ho Ho Ho - Here We Go! It's Hoedown Time!

Today starts a new challenge over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. it's called the Holiday Hoedown and I am READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Remember that great tribe I wrote a lot about from the last challenge? The ones who became super supportive friends of mine and helped me to have a loss 6 out of 7 weeks of said challenge? Well, we are a team together again, plus one, and I could not be happier or more excited to get going.

I've been steadily losing even after Shrinkvivor ended. It was because of those healthy habits that stuck and because even inbetween the challenges we kept in touch and supported each other.

Today was Day 1 and it was a great day! I got a fantastic workout in, part of which included my Week 3 Day 2 of Couch to 5K.

I am amped!

My goals for the Holiday Hoedown:

Hit ONEderland

Get to a spin class

Continue my C25K

No gains

Continue tracking workouts on my iCal and dailymile

Lose 9 lbs. (last challenge I lost 8.4)

No skipping WW meetings

Be an active and supportive member of my fabulous team!

Kitchen Mission No. 1

So, this month's project over at www.shrinkingjeans.net is all about getting into the kitchen to try some tasty recipes. The Sisters in the 'Hood have been doing a fabulous job of posting fantastic looking recipes as part of its Taste of the Sisterhood series.

I am not the cook in my house. Growing up with three brothers, I was always playing outside in the mud and the muck and backyard sports games. I took little interest in the kitchen. My sole jobs were to set the table, clear the table and load the dish washer. I was lucky to marry a man who loves to cook, and who loves to cook healthy meals. Every now and then I try to give him a night "off". On those nights, our dinner nine times out of 10 comes from a crock pot.

So yesterday, with a fairly lazy Sunday ahead, I told him I'd be cooking a meal for the freezer, something we could enjoy down the line since had the meals already planned for the week pretty much. I chose the Crockpot Cheesy Chicken Spaghetti which can be found here: http://shrinkingjeans.net/2010/11/taste-of-the-sisterhood-crockpot-cheesy-chicken-spaghetti/

"I'm going in! Cover me!" I said to him, as if I was a federal agent entering into a drug den. I was just going into the kitchen, but to me the danger and intimidation level is just as high. I have very little confidence when it comes to my cooking skills and I was determined to let the Taste of the Sisterhood give me some "practice."

I gathered the ingredients.

We were missing some ingredients and so I made the executive decision to just go without. I used a box of linguini because that was the only pasta in the pantry. I used about 3 cups of frozen chicken I had in the freezer. We had no Velveeta. And I added a couple cloves of minced garlic because we are big garlic fans. The nice thing about all of this was when he came into the kitchen and showed me his spiffy way of dicing up an onion. We are rarely in the kitchen preparing a meal together so this alone made me glad I embarked on my mission.

At another point, he said from another room, 'It smells divine," but what I heard was "I smell the wine." Well, I knew I had no wine in the recipe and so this caused a degree of alarm for a moment or two.

Anyway, long post short -- it didn't come out the way I thought it would -- it was a bit dry even after I added extra water, but it tasted great! I froze it for us to use at a later date and when it's time to serve, I will add some spaghetti sauce.

Mission accomplished! And no major disasters : )

C25K Week Two -- DONE!

So, not only did I have a great weigh in this a.m. at the House of WW (down 1.6 yeee ha!!) but I also finished my second week of the Couch to 5K program. This was my first workout taking it to the street outdoors. I loved it! It was so beautiful out and our leaves are finally at their peak in all their glorious splendor. What a difference from the scenery at the basement treadmill!!

Looking forward to Week 3.

It feels good to see hard work paying off!

The power of one healthy choice

Today was what you call "one of those days."

You know the kind. Lot of things --- none of them good -- hitting you at one time. Tomorrow will be better, I know. But what to do with the "ick" of this day?

I had a choice. My scheduled W2D2 workout was the plan in my head when I woke up this morning. It was not the plan in my head when I walked in the door, home from work after this icky day.

I fixed myself a cocktail. Yep. I am grateful we do not keep bags of chips in this house. They'd have been gone.

I filled hubby in on all the ins and outs of this icky day. And then I said out loud. "Bed or treadmill?" It was only 7 p.m. -- too early for bed but you know and I know that when you are having a bad day sometimes you think about bedtime regardless of what the clock says. You want sleep to be the answer.

I answered myself. Outloud. "Treadmill." Went upstairs, changed into workout clothes, went down to the treadmill in the basement and did my W2D2 workout and actually felt like it was my strongest one yet.

Came back upstairs. My cocktail still sat on the living room table. All watered down. It got poured down the drain. (I know, it's not like me to waste alcohol! lol) I had no desire for it.

Exercise really can RESCUE the day, oh yes it can.

And so, week two begins!

Today marks the start of Week 2 of the Couch to 5K training I'm doing over at the 'Hood. I truly enjoyed my day of rest yesterday. Didn't do the workout in the a.m. but I finally got on the treadmill around 8 p.m. after coming home from work around 7 and chilling out for a bit. I'm proud of myself for not blowing it off. And proud of myself for getting through it. Then I walked two more miles to a DVD as part of another challenge I am doing leading up to Thanksgiving. I'm rewarding myself now with a bit of computer time and a cup of tea!

The intervals tonight were 90 seconds run/ 2 min walk. I am the first to admit that I am huffing and puffing a LOT and I am super slow, but I just keep telling myself "one foot in front of another!" and remind myself that I just want to get through it. I look forward to the day when all of this becomes "second nature!"

In the meantime, I'm excited. Another day down!

Momentum

Week 1 is DONE!
I'm doing the Couch to 5K training for our Virtual 5K over at the 'Hood. I did the program on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of this week. And by Friday, each time it was a tad bit easier and I could feel myself gaining strength and confidence. I'm excited about the possibilities!

In other great news....

At my WW meeting this morning, I was down 1.6 lbs!!! AND I reached my 5 percent. Now, the people at my meeting, were they to read this, would be shaking their heads in confusion. They have seen me at these meetings for what seems like forever. Surely I would have made more progress than this by now?! BUT they do not know that one day in June, after weeks or even months of beating myself up over gains at the scale, or wimping out by using a "no weigh in" pass week after week so I wouldn't have to face the music, I told my leader  I'd like a Week 1 book again, and a new starting weight. I told her I wanted to start over entirely. New day. New starting weight (which was not pretty and difficult to "own". A new outlook. And NO looking back!

It worked for me. Ever since then I began to focus and not just show up at the meetings. I paid attention to what was going on with me in between the meetings. And of course not long after that Shrinkvivor came and my awesome tribe mates! I am seeing progress now. Steady losses. Better habits. Better choices. It's starting to show, and most importantly, I have the right message in my head -- the message that I CAN do this. I'm excited about the possibilities ahead!!

Another small victory -- we went to go see Blue Man Group tonight. Amazing show! After, we went to dinner. I boxed half, and had a salad in place of fries. Felt great to walk out of there not feeling stuffed!

Shrinkvivor Final Weigh in

Let me tell you I am sad to see this challenge come to an end! This is the challenge that got me moving again, that got the scale moving again - SOUTH, that got me COMPLETELY understanding about how the whole blogging/accountability/building community thing REALLY are helpful tools in this journey of mine.

I have had the privilege and honor to be on a tribe of incredible women who motivated me to no end. I will always be grateful to them for that. We really built each other up day after day and got 'er done! THREE out of the final 7 were from my tribe (Go Green!). I am so proud of them and of the entire tribe.

This morning I got up at 4:45 a.m. to meet a friend for our regularly scheduled 5 a.m. walk. It's 3 miles.We do this on Wed. mornings because this is the only time that fits into her schedule. I felt great even though I tell myself I am not a morning person. Guess what? During those Shrinkvivor challenges I got moving in the morning AND lunchtime AND evening to get in those miles or minutes. In other words, it showed me I am not going to turn into the world's crankiest grouch by exercising in the morning.

Anyway... normally I would have said to myself "I walked this morning. That's it for me for the day." But wait! I am doing the Sisterhood Virtual 5K and am committed to sticking with it, and with the training, so tonight when I got home from work I hit the treadmill and did my W1D2 workout and felt great. Mr. Fiddler saw me going downstairs to the treadmill and he said "Getting more miles for your team?" lol I told him no, these don't count for that any more, but I was going to do it anyway.

Soooooo on to the numbers, yes? I am proud of the progress I made. Slow and steady, it's coming off. People are noticing. I am smiling more. I am noticing.

Starting Weight WW 214.8

Starting Weight Shrinkvivor: 213.4

Week 1 weight: 211.6

Week 2 weight: 210.0

Week 3 weight: 207.3

Week 4 weight: 209.2

Week 5 weight: 208.6

Week 6 weight: 206

Week 7 weight: 205

Total loss for challenge: 8.4

Looking forward to seeing what more I can do!!!!

Hello, remember me?

Been a while since I've dropped in here and I think it's time to dust 'er off and give blogging a shot once again.

I had such a great time with the @Shrinkvivor Challenge over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans, and I'm very proud of my progress. So, that said, I thought I'd venture into another Sisterhood adventure and write about it here, on this blog I'm dusting off. I seem to be dusting myself off lately... and that feels good.

Now on to this. See you on the road.

The Monday Project - I rock? Yes, I do!

This week's Monday Project assignment was a toughie! Our topic? List five ways in which we rock. Do I have to? Can't I do something else for extra credit and stay after school to erase the blackboards or somethin'?!

After taking a short trip over to a few blogs of other ladies in the Sisterhood, I see that I was not the only one to have a hard time with this one this week!

OK.. deep breath.. here I go....

1. I ROCK because I have not given up, not on my weight loss and fitness goals, not on life even though my family picture frame is not as full as I want it to be, not on my marriage, even though we have had some dark days in the past and most of all, not on myself.

2. I ROCK because I know a million jokes. Seriously! You don't want to get me started telling jokes because it will go one for a long long time!

3. I ROCK because my friends and family know they can count on me. Say the word and I am there for people.

4. I ROCK because I once drove in a demolition derby (for a story I wrote for my newspaper at the time) and won a third place trophy for it. Still have a chunk of the car as a souvenier!

5. I ROCK because I still hope. For lots of things, big and small, hope still lives.

Oh what the heck.. now that I am on a roll, how about one more? I am shameless like that!

6. I ROCK because I play fiddle in a Celtic band, along with my husband and a few friends. it's a ton of fun and we do a few gigs for charities each year.

Re-Think Your Shrink: Week 3 Weigh In

Yessssss, things are heading back in the right direction -- SOUTH on that ol' scale. I am using my Saturday morning weigh in at WW's as my weigh in for this challenge...

Last week: 213.4
This week: 209 !!!!
- 4.4

I am behind on my Motivational Wall project but still plan on doing one. I have a slight problem of having misplaced our digital camera (shhhh don't tell Mr. Fiddler!). I am certain it will turn up once I do a complete search of our humble abode. Which would get me started on another post-- my mission to declutter! But for now I am happy just to talk about the decluttering that took place on the scale this week : )

Heading in the Right Direction (Week 2 Weigh In)

I'm remaining calm. Had a loss on the scale this morning for the Week 2 Weigh In of the Re-Think Your Shrink Challenge over on the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. I was thrilled to see the scale heading south again and hopped off and back on again just to double check. Yep..down 2.5 lbs.

I'm hell bent on showing a loss when I weigh in at WW on Saturday morning! Just have to keep up the good work!

I really think that my Monday Project post last week helped me face up to a few things and all week long I have found I have a renewed energy, focus and commitment for this journey. Maybe that should be my new mantra -- EFC! It has a nice rhythm to it for when I am walking and jogging and it's a good message to get inside my head.

Energy
Focus
Commitment

Oh and I signed up for my first 5K of 2010. It's on Feb. 7. Ready or not, here I come!

The Monday Project

(Bear with me folks, as this is my first blog and first blog post ever. Bound to be some human error goin' on at some point!.)

So.... I am participating in this great challenge over at The Sisterhood of The Shrinking Jeans, a fantastic site I recently came across. The challenge is called Re-Think Your Shrink. And while we all hear time and time again about the things you need to do in order to lose weight (eat less, move more, yada yada yada..) I know from experience that it's what's inside my head that is most important when it comes to being successful at this.

So here we are. Our Project Monday project was to take a good hard look at what has worked for us in the past and what has not. It was time to face some music and I knew it would not be pretty which is probably why I put it off till now (that and some tech issues)

I am a writer by profession, and work in the newspaper business. I am all about the deadline and procrastination, as I find most writers to be.

Anyway, I am new to the Sisterhood and there is a refreshing feeling in joining a group where I have no "history", no "story." It makes it easier to let it all hang out, so to speak.

Now on to the project and yes, I have tissues handy.

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I remember. I can still picture me doing leg lifts on the floor of my childhood room and following instructions from a Richard Simmons exercise book I got at a yard sale in my teens. I "felt the burn" with Jane Fonda, did step routines with Cher and those wacky leg-swinging moves with Cindy Crawford. I have been a Weight Watchers member off and on since my mid 20s. I a member still today and I will talk more about that later.

I would do well losing weight as long as their was a particular social function in my midst. The weddings of three brothers. A class reunion. You get the idea.

In 2005, it was my own wedding I needed to shred for. Before the wedding, I was at my highest 203. I rejoined WW and got down to 182 and was happy for my success and excited about this new journey of becoming a wife. It was later in life than I ever thought I'd get married - I was almost 38.

Then came a bunch of struggles no newlywed should have to face. It still saddens me every day. I don't want to go into too many details but the bottom line is this: I had (and that is the very first time I have EVER put it in the past tense) a lifelong dream of being a mother. Due to various reasons, that dream is unfulfilled and is not going to happen (again something I have never written out.. just couldn't do it). We had issues in that department and my husband and I are not in agreement about pursing other options. And so, at age 42, to me this door has closed.

Welcome, depression.

The girl who everyone considered to be light and funny and full of life, began seeing a therapist and went on medication (and I have a whole new respect for people who pursue those avenues). I turned to eating as a source for comfort and to fill my grief. Well, hello..nothing fills it. So why should I just continue to do that to myself? It has to stop.

It was depression that I have blamed everything on in the last two years ---all my weight gain(now up to 215 lbs), all my laziness, all my desire to drop out and do the bare minimum in any area of my life. Everything. I am no longer on the medication but I do still have my hard times.

I know how therapeutic exercise is and to me, on the days that I actually MOVE, it does me wonders. After we first got married and I read all about the need to lose weight to prepare for a pregnancy, I used to take long long walks repeating a mantra in my head in rhythm with my steps "getting fit for the baby, getting fit for the baby." It fueled me.

I need a new mantra.

To help myself feel better, I joined a local runners club --they have a great program to train walkers into beginner runners. I set a goal for myself in 2009 to do one 5K a month, just trying to beat my time from month to month and to run a little more and walk a little less. I am proud to say I was able to fit that in all but 3 months. I still can't run a full one, but I am beating my times bit by bit. That was something that worked for me in 2009. I have the same goal for this year.

Other things that worked in 2009:
Organizing a walking club for members of my WW meeting where we would take an hour walk after our weekly meeting.
Giving myself a sticker on the calendar for every day of exercise. I love seeing those stickers filling up the calendar page at month's end. I try to beat my total of stickers from the previous month.

What didn't work:
--- Showing up to WW and using a "no weigh in" pass. This is fine if you do it now and then but weeks in a row? That is money down the drain.

-- Attending WW without being a PARTICIPANT. Yes, I attended WW meetings but I was not following the program, tracking points, exercising.. in other words, I was not DOING Ww. Major note to self: Just because you go to WW meetings and show up and shell out your money does NOT make you a person on Weight Watchers! You actually have to work the program to see results. Just showing up ain't gonna do it. It's what happens BETWEEN the meetings that matters msot.

--- Eating in the car: This was new for me in 2009. Hello, bad habit. I would weigh in and then head to straight to the drive thru at Taco Bell. Can you say self-defeating strategy there?

---All or nothing thinking when it comes to exercise.

Today was a NEW DAY!
I went to WW and faced the music of my holiday weight gain. I didn't use that friggin no-weigh in pass.
I made a pact with a friend there that she and I will email eachother our menu plans each day
I tracked my points today
I skipped the drive thru and went grocery shopping to make a zero point crock pot soup.
I started the blog today.
And.... I sat down to write my Project Monday which I am also calling Project Me.

I want my life back. I want the me back who I used to know and really like. She was funny! The more I work at re-thinking my shrink, the more I KNOW she will emerge --yes still an ache in her heart, always an ache in her heart for what might have been -- but someone who can still find the joy in this great world.

Another step, and another....

Thank you for reading!